The reality is that without safety, we don't take risks. But that's not a deficiency of character, it's actually an excellent survival strategy. Our are brains literally hard wired to stop us from doing that. Can you imagine a species that never felt fear? They wouldn't last very long. We need our fear to protect us, to stop us from doing stupid shit, and to foresee danger.
Okay so fear is an important emotion because it keeps us safe. But what if you are living a life full of fear? Then that's a sign that things need to change. When I was setting up my counselling website I discovered that "anxiety" is the number one searched for problem on google at the time. I doubt it's different now as I can't even count how many people that have come to me with anxiety as their primary issue.
We are riddled with it in the modern-day world. We worry about everything, from our careers, to money and health, to partners and families. And then we start to worry about things that might never happen in the future, and even about the fate of the world, just to really torture ourselves.
And as a consequence of all that anxiety, we are afraid to really be ourselves in case we're rejected, ridiculed, or hurt someone's feelings. We are afraid to ask for what we want in case it's too much, too weird, or makes us look selfish. We are afraid to make decisions in case we get it wrong. And we are definitely afraid to say no.
Yet, these are all skills we need to have as well-functioning adults.
Unfortunately our brains are terrible at knowing the difference between a real threat and an imagined one. And sadly, change feels exactly like a threat to our overly paranoid brains. So before we can ever change our lives for the better, we need to create a container of safety. It's just a simply fact that unless we feel a certain level of trust (in people, in a process, or the likelihood of an outcome), we are not going to take any action towards change.
So that's where we start. I help you figure out how a lack of safety impacts on you and your life, explore what real safety means for you, and then help you to create it with me and the people you will meet in my courses so you're standing on solid ground.
Talking Point: if you could feel safe from harm or negative consequences, what is the one thing you would do differently in your life?
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